Young people at universities study to achieve knowledge and not to learn a trade. We must all learn how to support ourselves, but we must also learn how to live. We need a lot of engineers in the modern world, but we do not want a world of modern engineers.

Going to college offered me the chance to play football for four more years.

The only result my father got for his money was the certainty that his son had laid faultlessly the foundation of a system of heavy drinking and could be always relied upon to make a break of at least twenty-five even with a bad cue.

The greatest gift that Oxford gives her sons is, I truly believe, a genial irreverence toward learning, and from that irreverence love may spring.

Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.

Grad school is the snooze button on the alarm clock of life.

I learned three important things in college: to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. What I could not learn was to think creatively on schedule.

There was an old cannibal whose stomach suffered from so many disorders that he could only digest animals that had no spines. Thus, for years, he subsisted only upon university professors.

You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.

I went to the University of Life and was chucked out.