Showing: 1 - 10 Funny Quotes of 18
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Everything you can imagine is real.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.