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David Letterman Quotes
Showing: 1 - 10 David Letterman Quotes of 12
I think I might have a bad psychic advisor. When I asked her to contact the dead, she gave me Keith Richards' phone number.
The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over.
I pulled a hamstring during the Newr York City Marathon - an hour into the race I jumped up off the couch.
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colors and fall from the trees.
Say what you will about Leona Helmsley, when it comes to standing trial, she's twice the man Jim Bakker is.
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound."
Tip to out-of-town visitors. If you buy something here in New York and you want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.
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Funny Quote
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Humorous Quote
Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources
Funny Quote
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Wise Quote
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
Funny Quote
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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