The sweetest memory is that which involves something which one should not have done; the bitterest, that which involves something which one should not have done, and which one did not do.

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor.

A poet, any real poet, is simply an alchemist who transmutes his cynicism regarding human beings into an optimism regarding the moon, the stars, the heavens, and the flowers, to say nothing of Spring, love, and dogs.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.

Great drama is the souvenir of the adventure of a master among the pieces of his own soul.

Men go to the theatre to forget; women, to remember.

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.

Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.