Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.

Courtroom: a place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds in favor of Judas.

Nothing can come out of an artist that is not in the man.

A man may be a fool and not know it-but not if he is married.

Neither sex, without some fertilization of the complementary characters of the other, is capable of the highest reaches of human endeavor.

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule-and both commonly succeed, and are right.

Of all forms of visible otherworldliness, it seems to me, the Gothic is at once the most logical and the most beautiful. It reaches up magnificently-and a good half of it is palpably useless.

It takes no more actual sagacity to carry on the everyday hawking and haggling of the world, or to ladle out its normal doses of bad medicine and worse law, than it takes to operate a taxicab or fry a pan of fish.

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. The more a man dreams, the less he believes.

The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.