I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, I'm in the clear for at least ten years.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.