When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor.

One of the most obvious facts about grown-ups to a child, is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.

It's a waste of time to read books on child psychology written by adults unless we are willing to check every page by what children know about the psychology of parents.

Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

We are given children to test us and make us more spiritual.

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

My children weary me. I can only see them as defective adults: feckless, destructive, frivolous, sensual, humorless.

They should be neither seen nor heard and no one should make another one.

If you've never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.