Humor to me, Heaven help me, takes in many things. There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism.

Better be left by twenty dears Than lie in a loveless bed; Better a loaf that's wet with tears, Than cold, unsalted bread.

Accursed from birth they be Who seek to find monogamy, Pursuing it from bed to bed- I think they would be better dead.

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned to-morrow!

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

Gratitude: the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world.

Every love's the love before in a duller dress.