There will be sex after death; we just won't be able to feel it.

Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu.

At one point, Howard, we were hunters and gatherers and then seems like all of a sudden we became party goers.

If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. Yeah, I told 'em I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

For a long time now, it appears we've been a species on auto-snooze.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?