When I was a small boy, my father told me never to recommend a church or a woman to anyone. And I have found it wise never to recommend a restaurant either. Something always goes wrong with the cheese souffle.

If you drink from a bottle marked "poison" it is almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later.

When in doubt, play track 4 - it is usually the one you want.

Keep your bowels open, your tin hat on and trust to God.

If it's not working, plug it in.

They aren't kidding when they say, "Wash Whites separately."

Never trust a naked busdriver.

Dare to be cute.

Always take an extra quarter to the laundry room.

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.