A girl's best beauty aid is a near-sighted man.

It's now rare in certain social enclaves to see a woman over the age of thirty-five with the ability to look angry.

I have a professional acquaintance whose recent eyelid job has left her with a permanent expression of such poleaxed astonishment that she looks at all times as if she had just read one of my books.

To maintain our family resemblance, my entire extended family had their noses done by the same doctor.

We know more about the lifespan of automobile tyres than we do about breast implants.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

It would have been cheaper to have my DNA changed.

Women over fifty should always have at least one pink shirt in their wardrobe. It's much cheaper than a facelift.

An unforgiving nature reflects in your face. Holding negative energy drags down the facial muscles, puckers one's frown and causes lines around the mouth. Working daily on forgiveness (forgiving oneself as well as one's enemies) is the cheapest, most effective facelift in the whole wide world. All it requires is love and discipline.

When life is too interesting to worry about how my face looks, that's the way I like it.