If anything happens to me tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.

There she was: dejected, desperate, and stoned. Everything I could have hoped for in a woman.

Men are such idiots and I married their king.

If a man's a good kisser, he's a great f-.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by a woman. A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from the beer commercials. And then, there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

Just be considerate, accept each other for what you are, and don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose - and his ears.

To women, we are like big dogs that talk.

Every man sees a little of himself in Rhett Butler.

You're not too smart, I like that in a man.

Every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile.