Smoking cigars is like falling in love; first you are attracted to its shape; you stay with it for its flavour; and you must always remember never, never let the flame go out.

Quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air.

Smoking is the great romance of my lifetime. If I could find someone I wanted forty-five times a day, perhaps I could stop.

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you.

It is bad enough stopping people doing something you don't like. But it is far worse to stop them doing it for their own sake. This is the first symptom of the totalitarian mind, and there is a lot of it about.

But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself.

I would rather smoke one cigar than hear two sermons.

If I could smoke from more than one orifice, I most certainly would.

I offered Dawn a cigarette. She refused. 'No thanks, I've already got cancer.'

I'm eighty-three and I've been smoking since I was eleven. I'm suing the cigarette company because it promised to kill me and it hasn't.