What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, you get an onion with long ears, but one time out of a hundred, you get a piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

In the distance, the gestures of animals look human, the gestures of human beings bestial.

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.

There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you ain't a thing.

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.'

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: 'Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.'

Animals in different countries have different expressions just as the people in different countries differ in expression.

Whenever you observe an animal closely, you feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you.

We watched Saskia jug a hare, once, on television, years ago ... The hare had been half rotted, then cremated, then consumed. If there is a God and she is of the rabbit family, then Saskia will be in deep doo-doo on Judgement Day.

We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.