When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as "American."

We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.

We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.