When a man says he wants to meet a girl with a sense of humor, he means one who will laugh at everything he says while her breasts jiggle.

I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by, and I said, 'Are you Louise?' She said, 'Are you Rodney?' I said, 'Yeah.' She said, 'I'm not Louise.'

I don't think of myself as single. I'm romantically challenged.

I just broke up with my girlfriend, because I caught her lying. Under another man.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg, so when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Committing is hard for men. I can't even commit to one TV program. I get this nervous feeling that there's something better on the other channel.

She was just a passing fiancee.

I'm still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

The possibility of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of 1) a date, 2) his wife, 3) a better-looking and richer male friend.

Challenge, and not desire, lies at the heart of seduction.