He was quite eloquent on the subject of flowers, which he loves because 'they're not always borrowing money'.

A bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

Melnick says that the soul is immortal and lives on after the body drops away, but if my soul exists without my body, I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting.

Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?

The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?

Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.