Everything in life is somewhere else and you get there in a car.

The stop sign reminds us to slow our pace, take a moment's rest, and look around. Therein lies a whole philosophy of life.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.'

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

Our motor car is our supreme form of privacy when we are away from home.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

My aunt, thirty years a feminist, says, 'A car is just an extension of your penis.' Oh, I wish.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limit to 54.95.

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.