Don't be troubled if the temptation to give advice is irresistible; the ability to ignore it is universal.

Everything is personal.

Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.

Keep your bowels open, your tin hat on and trust to God.

You're sixty-five today - and it's the first day of the rest of your life savings.

A soft drink turneth away company.

I am righteously indignant; you are annoyed; he is making a fuss about nothing.

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: 'Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.'

The popularity of an animal is directly correlated with the number of anthropomorphic features it possesses.

A Zen master stood up to give a lecture. As he was about to speak, a bird sang sweetly outside. He immediately sat down saying, 'The lecture is over. I have nothing more to add.'