In marriage it is all very well to say that "the two are made one," the question is - which one?

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Youth lives in the future, middle age in the present, and old age in the past.

One of the chief pleasures of middle age is looking back at the people you didn't marry.

What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, you get an onion with long ears, but one time out of a hundred, you get a piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

It is slavery and a disgrace if a wife supports her husband.

A friend is a present you give yourself.

Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Life is not an answer to a question; it's a mystery in which we participate.