Never buy tights off a mermaid.

Every generation believes that there was a golden age that ended about forty years previously.

If nothing works faster than Anadin, take nothing.

Your bladder's either half full or half empty depending on your world view.

It is often more beneficial to jog around the psychiatrist's building than to enter - and cheaper than a couch.

Sleep with a question, and you often get up with the answer.

Why do girls fake orgasms? Because they think we care.

Some speakers electrify their listeners, others only gas them.

Why do 'They' retain absurd distinctions between first and second class? Far more helpful if 'They' divided us into, say, talkers and non-talkers, or farters and non-farters.

A youth was questioning a lonely old man, 'What is life's heaviest burden?' he asked. The old fellow answered sadly, 'To have nothing to carry.'