What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, you get an onion with long ears, but one time out of a hundred, you get a piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

Never question your wife's judgement. Look at who she married.

A person who has been married many years knows more about marriage than one who has been married many times.

People may doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do.

The only lesson history has taught us is that man has not yet learned anything from history.

If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If you are looking for a big opportunity, find a big problem.

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

It is slavery and a disgrace if a wife supports her husband.